watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
