Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
