2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
