We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
