She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
