Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
