I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
