I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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