I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I could fuck to npr.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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