The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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