my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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