i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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