My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
