you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
