so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
