I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
