I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
