Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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