I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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