If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Randomize
