I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize