hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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