im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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