So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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