So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize