Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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