saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize