So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
