Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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