I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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