I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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