I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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