we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
