the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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