I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
