1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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