One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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