my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
