They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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