i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize