Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
