I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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