yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
