i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
