I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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