To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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