I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
