Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
