you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
