i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
