your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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