38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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