3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
