I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
