I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's never too late to be topless.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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