Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
