Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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