I want to have your abortion
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
