I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
