im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
