we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
