Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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