Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
why do cheetos always look like penises
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
