I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
