Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
