I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
