He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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