I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
