A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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