he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize