there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drunk is not a location!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
