i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
