Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Where is the hickey?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
