Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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