I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
