Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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