just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
honey bunches of taint.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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