We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize