okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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