Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
