Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
