I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
