Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
