if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
