Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize