Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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