my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
