Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
