i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
