We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
