Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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