are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just come out here and I will go home with you...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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