I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize