No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
