K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
