mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
