I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
