She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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