Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
