I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
