Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
