i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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