my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
