dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
