dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
