i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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