a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
