pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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