tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
