on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
