we have pet lesbian snakes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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