Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
