What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
